wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize