It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
