shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
