even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
