my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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