If that was your dad, he is hot
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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