YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize