I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
