Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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