i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
