just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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