I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
