yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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