So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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