I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
