I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
