Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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