New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
