Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
