she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is wine microwaveable?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
