I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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