Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
