After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
