put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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