booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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