wakey wakey hands off snakey
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
