You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
