i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
