The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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