I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize