so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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