I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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