Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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