Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
