he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
