I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
