i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she peed on how many people?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pooping to opera.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
