I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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