Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
