Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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