Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
