not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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