Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
