have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
