After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Never underestimate the power of titties
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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