Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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