dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
