My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
