I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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