M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
