i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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