I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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