Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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