Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
