I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
