Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
