You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
