So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
