She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
