dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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