I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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