You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
