you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need to get me chipped asap
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
