i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
