FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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