Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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