I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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