she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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