Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
