Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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