Just fell off a train. Bad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Alive.
So much puke
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
