Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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