i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
