We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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