I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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