apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
