I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
