Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
