He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
3 2 1 whiskey
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
