somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There r osticjed everywhere
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
