chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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