Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize