i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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