But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
