fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
